Signs of the Times

We once had a geometry instructor who had a flair for expression. When a pupil drew a problem on the blackboard without notes to explain it, the teacher faced the class and thundered, "Fancy up the angles!" On the other hand, when she felt a problem had been drawn badly, she commented, "Well … that's a slobberin' mess."

After the class stopped laughing, we realized that she'd taught us a lot of geometry and, colorful language aside, had made it fun. Later on, we found in her colorful language some lessons that could be applied in all walks of life — not just geometry. For instance, sometimes retailers need to "fancy up the angles" and make difficult things fun for their customers.

Nina and Nancy own a gift store called Unexpected Pleasures. One of the unexpected things about their store is how well it is run. Nina and Nancy keep up-to-date on trends, display products with flair, keep their staff well-trained, and actually do inventory. They even know their costs and profit margins.

For anything this dynamic duo happens to overlook, Unexpected Pleasures has a beautiful suggestion box, giftwrapped with a large bow, where customers can put in their two cents' worth. The box is opened at every other staff meeting, so that Nina, Nancy, and their staff can consider the contents together.

One week, the box contained a suggestion that gave everyone pause. It read: "You have too many rules posted around the store. I come to look at things and buy them, not to read sermons!" After reading the note, Nina also remembered that a friend had told her the signs in the store weren't clear. But the owners and staff carefully considered each "rule," and posted it for a reason. Yet here they were getting complaints. What to do?

One of the staff members of Unexpected Pleasures had read in a traffic sign manual stating that signs must meet five basic requirements: They must 1) answer a need, 2) command attention, 3) be clear and simple, 4) command respect, and 5) give adequate time for a proper response.

Nina and Nancy once read a study reporting that a border on a sign focuses readers' attention, making it possible to read the sign 26 percent faster. The study, by the Pennsylvania College of Optometry, also said that adding a second color increases information retention in readers by 78 percent.

"Grand," said the dynamic duo. "We can follow these simple rules to produce clear signs that are easily understood."

But, on the other hand, so can the owners of their local supermarket. The point is to (clearly) sugar coat the information you want to convey. In other words, don't make the sign a "slobberin' mess," and be sure to "fancy up the angles."

Nina and Nancy wrote down a collection of great signs they'd either seen in stores or dreamed up themselves.

• Instead of "Watch your step," one said:

"Step down carefully or fall on your face."

• Instead of "Watch your kids," they suggested:

"Please leave with the same number of children you came in with."

• Instead of "No food or drink allowed," you could try:

"We don't allow food in the store, but we have a list of wonderful restaurants in this area!"

• Instead of "Please do not sit on (display) furniture," try:

"The last person who sat in this chair was deported to Zanzibar."

• If you want your customers to try things out, just print a sign that says:

"Please DO touch!"

• To address the problem of dogs, Nina thought of a sign that says"

"All dogs with college degrees are welcome."

• Instead of posting a "Parking for customers only" sign, Nancy's favorite quilting store hung a sign that says:

"Parking for quilters only – All others will be basted and tied!"

• Instead of "Returns are allowed only within 10 days of purchase," try:

"You're free to change your mind. But do it within 10 days if you want store credit."

And while you're injecting a sense of humor into your "store rules" signs, how about having a little fun with your advertising signs as well.

• We saw this sign in a housewares store, but it could be used anywhere:

"Life is too short for … tattered brooms."

• You can make gift suggestions with a little humor too. How about:

"She told you she wanted a vacuum cleaner for her birthday. She's lying. What she really wants can be found at Unexpected Pleasures."

• This is a sign for a chocolate shop, but can be adapted to anything:

"Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is!"

• Sales are also a good time for signs such as:

"Who needs money? We've marked down these items just to make you happy!"

Nina and Nancy report that their signs have improved a great deal. In addition, it has become a kind of game for customers to think of even funnier ones. They put them in the suggestion box.

But that's not all. Find out what else we have to say about signs in our next article.